We live in a time when women are starting to allow themselves to just exist. Where we see ourselves differently than our mothers were allowed to see themselves. We allow ourselves to sit down when the dishes are dirty, to play with our kids when the laundry is piling up, to go out in public without looking our best.
I've been trying to embrace myself for who I am. I've been trying to no longer be ashamed of the things I can't control. I've been trying to see my value without worrying about what's on the outside.
I grew up as a very hairy girl. Not only did/do I have a lot of body hair but it was dark hair...it still is dark hair. I worried so many hours of my life away over hairy arms. I've wasted so much time shaving my arms, waxing my arms, using that nasty Nair cream on my arms, but all for what?! Just so I could be more appealing other people? I mean really, it's just hair.
Hairy genetics suck for girls. That's without a doubt one of the things girls worry about the most, when it affects them. That obsessiveness just progresses as we get older & hairier. I travel with tweezers at almost all times, just in case there is a rogue chin or upper lip hair. I shave the side & underside of my chin every single day, that removes so much femininity from a person but why? Why I do I feel less worthy, less valued, just less comfortable if I have day old stubble that someone could notice?! I'll tell you why, because I'm a woman & we aren't "supposed" to have hair like that.
The obsessiveness is so real, I mean there's nothing that is less ideal on a Monday morning than tweezing your 'stache in your visor mirror while your husband takes your son into the babysitter's house. That's fun - painless too, but it's been my reality many times.
Then there are these tree trunk legs... I don't remember the time in my life when I didn't hate my legs. I remember shopping for dresses for formals and always wanting to buy long dresses even when that wasn't the style. I always avoided wearing shorts because I hated the way my thighs looked when seated, hated the way I always missed hair on my knees & thighs, hated the way my calves were bigger than everyone else's. It took most of my life to find out that the size of my legs isn't completely my fault. No matter what size I am my legs are going to be absurdly fat.
I'm so freaking tired of obsessing over things that I can't change. Why is body hair on a woman so bad? Why are we forced to change something that happens naturally just to appease other people?
I'm hairy, I have massive lypolipedema legs, I talk too much - especially when I'm anxious (which is always), I'm unintentionally loud & I'm an Atheist.
That's what I worry about the most, the things I expect the most judging eyes to be leering at me over. Those are the things, I want to own & stop worrying about.
I think I've figured it out though.
If you don't like me because I don't believe in your God, you're an asshole. If you dont like me because I'm fat, you're an asshole. If you dont like me because I'm talkative & like people, you're an asshole. If you don't like me because I can grow a better beard than your dad, you're an asshole.
Don't be an asshole. Allow people to exist without judging their differences. I guarantee that they're well aware of whatever makes them different but I also guarantee it doesnt make them less valuable.
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